Natasha’s eyes flutter awake. Turning over to look at her phone, she sees 7:30 a.m., March 1. The first day of March. Her brain, which has been awake for some time, jolted to attention and immediately sprang to action, seeing an opportunity to torment her host.
The Brain (in a condescending voice): Did you think that you were done with all those March deadlines from your bachelor’s degree… and the essays due last year for your MA? HAHAHA! You thought wrong! Oh… your mind is whirling now isn’t it? The schedule you had, which let’s be fair, you were already running behind, well… you can scrap it. Oh and your ideas of going to weekly potlucks and The Bachelor screenings with friends, you can forget those too. Conference Season is here darling… you’re going to need to make sacrifices.
Natasha pushes her Brain’s incessant dialogue aside, gets out of bed and looks in her closet. Feeling inspired by the weather outside and the foreboding gloom her brain had prepared her for, she picks a pair of jeans, and a black turtleneck.
The Brain: Forget the jewelry and accessories, you’re just going to be plopped at your desk all day, so what is the point.
Heading downstairs, she sees the disaster that is the living room, which her roommate had adopted as his secondary office… papers spilled everywhere.
The Brain: Brush it off, you have more important things to worry about.
She quickly puts something together for breakfast. She packs lunch and dinner, to make sure she has something to sustain herself over the next 12 hours.
The Brain: Don’t forget the coffee, make it a big one. I’m absolutely exhausted this morning and we still haven’t made a dent in the to-do list. And make it a bigger dinner because you still need to go to the gym… you can’t arrive at your conferences looking like you’ve been stress-eating this entire month, which you undoubtedly will.
Obeying the command of the brain, she scoops some extra quinoa into her Tupperware container, which had become deformed due to its frequent forays with the microwave and dishwasher.
Now running to the bus stop, Natasha makes a quick mental check that she has everything she needs for the day. Noticing the heaviness of her backpack, she checks the box for the library books she’s been meaning to bring back to the office. — Once on the bus, the Brain takes over again and starts listing the ever-changing, ever-domineering to-do list.
The Brain: 1) Finish reading that great MA thesis, which yours will never measure up to. 2) Send out emails to the presenters for the SAA conference session you’re chairing at the end of the month, yup… you just had to put more on your plate didn’t you… 3) Outline your presentation that you need to give to the department in two weeks that you should have started weeks ago. 4) Keep working on the 3rd chapter of your thesis, which should be done by now. 5) Consider your supervisor’s edits to your 2nd chapter… it could have been more polished…
With all those heavy thoughts, Natasha quickly marches from Memorial’s University Centre bus stop to her post, fighting against the cold St. John’s winds. Queen’s College now in view, she feels its hot panoptic gaze and its magnetic pull only holding on to her obligations. — Sitting down at her desk, she gets to work, her Brain reminding her to come back to her to-do list whenever she is caught in the act of procrastination.
It’s been dark for hours now, and Natasha feels the last bit of energy leave her body. Back at home, she gets into her sweatpants and sweater, makes some herbal tea and sips it while thinking back on her day. She takes a deep breath and smiles to herself while inhaling the sweet and calming smell of chamomile. Cuing on the relaxed physical state of her host, the Brain, which has been running on auto-pilot most of day, decides to give her a little break. After all, she would have to go through it all over again tomorrow.
The Brain: Well, you’ve done it again; you’ve survived another day of grad school. Ok, so you didn’t get everything on your to-do list done, but you made progress. Be proud of that. You can also be proud that you fought against my shaming commentary all day. You pushed on and shut me down when I wasn’t useful to you. You were strong. You’ve made it until now; you’ll make it through March as well. Ok, so March can be tough but who said grad school would be easy? But with every sip of your tea, remind yourself that you wouldn’t want to be doing anything else and that you have been given the opportunity to test your will, your endurance, and your abilities. Today, you’ve passed again, but you will be put to the test again tomorrow. But if the past is the good predictor of the future, you’ll do well.
Shutting her eyes, she acknowledges her brain which never stops, even while she sleeps, and thanks it for giving her some much needed radio silence. And as she drifts into slumber, Natasha passes the metaphorical relay stick back to her brain who will continue the work while she sleeps so she can take the stick back again at 7:30 a.m. the next morning.
Wishing you all a great month of March, you’re not alone in the fight, and you will get through it.
Sending you lots of love and encouragement,
~Natasha
*Special thanks to the Student Wellness and Counselling Centre which has been a great help to me this past semester.