As I write this, I am in the fall semester of my third year of the program. I’m pretty well on track as right now I am in the midst of the second draft of my proposal. This is a very exciting stage as I am creating my research design. It is a very thoughtful process as you have to think about what you want to find out and then you have to figure out how to find out what you want to know. Most of us will have an idea of what we would like to research when we enter into grad school. But lots of times that can change. The more we find out about our research areas, you can discover that what you had thought about researching is pretty well researched, so it may be better to come up with another idea. Or you may find out information that leads you down a whole other path. The more you know, the more you find out what you don’t know. Thus, for me, the proposal writing process has been exciting as it is the beginning of research, which I why I started this program in the first place. It is a cool thing to work on because it is a combination of the past and the future. It is a document that highlights what I know and then provides a vision for the future: what I want to find out. It is strange writing in the future tense as that is not often the way I write. Furthermore, it is strange to declare what I am going to do or say when I also know that the research process is fluid and thus is bound to change.
Throughout the writing of this proposal, I have been reflecting, reading and writing a lot about writing. This is because I want to be a good writer and a good researcher. I have asked myself why we write: to share, to provoke ideas, to entertain, to stimulate other people’s ideas, to have people build on what you have to say, to make conversation. These ideas about writing are ‘other’ focused. The idea that writing is primarily to share what we know with other people. Thus, within this type of writing, the writer needs to be thoughtful about an audience. Who is going to read what I write (anyone?!) This kind of writing also needs to be sensitive to the research subject. I am proposing to work with women in prison for my research. Thus, writing about this group requires careful thought and consideration. There is a great deal of stigma attached to this population. Thus, I want to write in a way that shares the voices of women who often do not get heard. But I also have to be careful to not further add to stigma through reporting without sensitivity.
In addition to this kind of writing that shares, I have come to understand that writing can also be part of the process of understanding. This is writing that is not meant to be shared. Richardson (2000) refers to writing as “a method of inquiry, a way of finding out about yourself and the topic” (Writing: A Method of Inquiry in Denzin, NK and Lincoln, YS (Eds.) Handbook of Qualitative Research p. 923). I have become more thoughtful and diligent in journal writing. In this way, I am using writing not to share information but to understand information. I am writing about what I observe and experience. In this way, I am developing a deeper understanding of the world around me including my research process. That is not to say that what is written in my journal cannot or should not be shared (in fact, I have used a little piece of my journal writing in this blog post). But what I mean is that writing can be processed, not just finished product. Writing helps to work through some of the muck before you get to the gem that you want to polish and share.
I have started a writing exercise called “morning pages” advocated by Julia Cameron in her book The Artist’s Way. She suggests writing three pages each morning by longhand as a way to exercise writing and to sort through some thoughts that may be racing through the brain. It hasn’t been easy. I have accidentally missed days. I also have writing morning pages at night or afternoon. But I am writing. It has been helpful with my academic writing. It helps me to sort out thoughts or to plan the day’s activities. I am writing more. And the more I write, the stronger writer I become.
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