Mature students often have the subtle connotation of being luddites. Unable to successfully negotiate the academic world, our pursuits are admirable, but ultimately doomed. At 39, I felt the alienation of a repetitive work environment and the longing for intellectual stimulation and fulfilment. I started by listening to a philosophy podcast (Philosophize This! – It’s great and I would recommend it to anyone) while wandering the suburbs of East End St. John’s at night. Serendipitously, I discovered Queen’s College, and after some investigation, decided to engage in graduate work – purely for the meaning and satisfaction I derived from it. It was one of the best decisions I have ever made, and four years later, I came out the other side a different person. It lit a fire in me and now I’m pursuing an M.Phil degree. Both these degrees have been completed while working full time in my field.
I think in my first undergraduate degree, as a 20-something, I did not fully understand the way the world worked – not that I have a complete understanding now, but my lived experience over the past 20-25 years has given me a broader perspective on things. When I wanted to go to graduate school 20 years ago, I knew what I loved, but I had no direction, and what I loved to read and learn about was pretty much going to land me in an unrelated job, working paycheck to paycheck. I justified this in various ways, but ultimately I think I knew it was the wrong choice. After a few years slinging mud in door-to-door fundraising and a health crisis, I acquiesced. I would work for ‘the man’ the best I could, undertaking a professional degree that was, in my mind, the best compromise between putting food on the table, and something that would be meaningful to me – radiation therapy.
It was a good choice and I have zero regrets, and I think that pursuing graduate work at that time would have been a mistake. For a number of years, I enjoyed all sorts of freedoms. Financial and social to be sure, but I also had a place in the middle class, I was someone who held a place in society. I owned a house; I had a pension and was well positioned to have a comfortable life. I had never had that before, and it was very rewarding. I honed my clinical and interpersonal skills, and I enjoyed the professional self-improvement process. But after five to ten years, something deeper was lacking, calling to me – I loved what I did but the intellectual stimulation was lacking, and no podcast or independent reading could satisfy it – so I answered. Fast forward to 2024, I am 43, working full time and completing a second master’s degree and aiming toward doctoral work. But the attitude is different now than 20 years ago. I am less concerned with my performance and more concerned with improving my writing and my ability to integrate information. A good part of this is that my academic performance does not have any bearing on my career or my financial status. I am less concerned with how I compare with my peers, and my overall worth or value as an academic. I am purely in it for love, meaning, and fulfilment. I thought this was the case when I was nearing the end of my first undergraduate degree, but the desire and the hunger take on a different intensity when you have lived broadly without it for ten years or more. Not only that, but the life experience that comes with being a young professional enables you to better handle critical feedback, communicate the outcomes of your work with your professors, and understand your successes or failures as a student.
The leadership, management, and coordination skills you develop in your career only bolster your funding applications and your ability to juggle multiple responsibilities. To be a successful young professional, we have to get over the insecurities that plague many graduate students. In the dark age of academia, it is hard enough to find work, but this is even more challenging if you have never had to learn how to break into the workforce in general. There is less pressure when you have a career to fall back on. Managing full-time work and graduate work simultaneously is no doubt challenging – I have many moments of sheer meltdown and burnout but I think this happens in graduate studies regardless, and I can confidently say I am more resilient now – I am better able to cope with this because of my life experience. I definitively view graduate studies now as a privilege rather than an escape from the absurdity (and I mean this in the existential sense) of the 9-5 grind.
I can appreciate the benefits of both intellectual stimulation and security (broadly speaking) to a much greater extent. In early adulthood, we feel caught between a rock and a hard place – especially in our current socioeconomic context. But I would encourage you: If you are caught – go out into the world and live your life. Work as a young professional. See how this feels for you. Sometimes the intellectual call can be answered by watching YouTube content created by out-of-work PhD graduates or podcasts and you can have the satisfaction of the separation of work from personal life – truly free time – while scratching the intellectual itch recreationally. But sometimes, this is not enough. Sometimes we need to throw ourselves into reading and writing critically, expressing and absorbing ourselves in an academic context. Only you can determine this, but you need the experience of both to truly make the call. We’re sold the lie that once we leave academics and move into our adult and professional life we can never go back but I’m here to reassure you that this is not the case. I have done it. Not only that, but I am better at navigating it and getting more satisfaction from it after having experienced the alternative.
The sky’s the limit. You are the master of your own life. Just because you do something in a non-traditional way, it does not make it impossible. My best wishes on your journey of academic and self-discovery. Life is an adventure for us to squeeze every last drop out of, and I am grateful for that.